Things That Make Me Lose My Mind!

So... the kids and I were on our way back home from my parents' house Wednesday when my six-year-old says what you don't want to hear on the highway,
"Mama. I gotta go to the bathroom."
"Great. He has to go to the bathroom." I sigh to my friend on my cell phone.
Before I could tell her I would have to call her back, he adds to it.
"I gotta do number two and I gotta do it bad!"
There was complete urgency in his voice and body language and anxiety with a little dab of frustration in mine.
"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT WAITING 'TILL THE LAST MINUTE TO TELL ME?"
I could hear a smothered laugh on the other end of my phone.
"Mama! I gotta go really bad!"
My daughter was calm but loudly slurping on a straw. At this point I was so stressed I wanted to toss her, the Chick-Fil-A cup, and her brother, who was now holding his bottom as if he would be able to stop the flow, out on the middle of the highway.
So I am going a little bit faster, trying to find an exit, while fussing him out and still holding the phone. I hear the laughter again. This time she is laughing so hard that it weaves in and out almost in syn with me and the other cars.
I finally found an exit with a store not far away.
"Hold on! I found a store!" I told my son.
I don't even remember putting the van in park or taking the keys out.
"You betta not peep a word of this to anyone!" I told my friend. "I'll talk to ya later!"
We ran in the store to the bathroom.
"Mama. This bathroom isn't real clean," my son said, looking all around.
"Okay but I am going to line it for you really good."
"Wook Mama," he said while pointing to the broken knob on the sink. "I don't like this bathroom."
"Well the people who work here ain't gonna like you coming in here and stinkin' it up either. Now do what you gotta do and come on!" I said while attempting to help him pull his pants down.
I felt my daughter tapping me. "Mama... what is in here?" she asked while trying to turn the knob on the Tampax machine.
"Don't worry about that. It's for women!"
"Can we get one?" she smiled.
"No! I said don't worry about that!"
I was about to lose my mind!
We were finally done.
The kids were about to pull the door open when I stopped them. I peeked out. What a relief to see that no one was waiting to use the bathroom.
I got a pack of gum on the way out. It was the least I could do after the bombs my son dropped in that bathroom.

Can Turtles Have Attitudes?

I'm not sure if our two pet turtles are trying to make a break for it, trying to commit turtlecide or what. Well first let me start by saying that since Michael Jackson's passing, the kids have renamed the turtles. No longer are they Myrtle and Skippity but Michael and Shirley. Not sure where Shirley came from but we will roll with it- I mean it's not like they know their names anyway.
I mean we feed them, the kids take them out for some time each week and we talk to them a lot. I feel like we are great owners- we consider them part of the family. So I am not sure what is going on in their little, now-you-see-me, now-you-don't, heads of theirs.
About two weeks ago, Daddy heard a thud and jumped out of bed to see what it was. One of them (heck the adults don't know them apart) had apparently climbed out from the little platform they bask on. He or she, fell in between the bookcase the aquarium is on and the wall. The turtle is lucky Daddy heard him and came to his rescue- otherwise it would have been chillin' in its little shell for some time. When Daddy put it back in the aquarium the darn thing had an attitude! Can you believe that? After dropping it back in the water it went all Chris Brown and started hitting at the other turtle. I'm sorry I don't know if they are cousins, sister and brother, common law mates or what. But I guess it had to take its frustrations out on something- surely couldn't be one of us... we feed them. So it continued its little aggression- taking it's little webbed feet and knocking rocks around. This would have been a good time to see that little bubble overhead and see what it was really thinking.
Well Sunday when we came in from church- guess we'd been gone for about three hours- I walk pass the aquarium, stop then take two steps back to take a closer look.
"Uhhh... call me crazy but it looks like there is only one turtle in there," I pointed out to my family.
The tanks not huge and we don't have caves or things for them to hide in yet.
The kids ran over to see. Daddy confidently went directly to the back of the bookcase.
Daddy was now baffled.
We all quietly and carefully walked around the room- in between the dining area and great room. Daddy spotted it first. Sitting in a corner, inside it's shell.
He picked it up gently.
"What are you doing out here? What are you doing- say?" Daddy said.
"Is it okay?" I asked.
Soon as he dropped it back in the water, it went off again! Swimming really fast, back-and-forth. Swatting at rocks. My eyes were almost crossed watching it go that fast. ATTITUDE!
I know turtles like to get out of the water for a little while each day to bask in the light or heat but those two are up there plotting.

Talking to Our Kids About Michael

Since Michael's passing, I have been in this indescribable funk. "Mama, did you know him? Did you meet him?" one of my kids asked after seeing me tear up while we watched his video, Smooth Criminal, on YouTube. The thought of never having the privilege to meet him caused the tears to come a little stronger. I would now never get to see him. I'd always said he was the one star I would pay big money to see. Now, even if I won a huge lottery I would never get to see him.

I've seen his videos myriad times over the years and thankfully there are Cd's and videos to purchase. My kids have been watching his videos on YouTube and I guess now that will be our nexus to the King of Pop. Watching these videos with them online as well as seeing the videos on television- and I am sure this will go on for months- has allowed me to discover Michael all over again. I watch with appreciation. I see the perfectionist everyone has been talking about. I can see his musical influences like Fred Astaire, while watching Smooth Criminal. Seeing the influence of James Brown in his earlier videos when he performed with his brothers. The artistry, creativity and Broadway abilities in videos like Thriller, which revolutionized music videos and put Michael in the Guinness Book of World Records.

I talked to the kids about him being a philanthropist and how giving he was. He used his celebrity to shed light on problems around the world. I can refer them to videos like We Are the World, The Earth Song and more.

Of course television networks have flooded our screens with videos, discussions and shows about him since Thursday. TV One aired the movie The Jacksons: The American Dream, which debuted in 1992. Daddy and I watched it with our kids. It was their first time watching it but probably our 100th time. We would watch it differently now. Paying precise attention to Michael now in a different way. Interrupting many scenes to point out certain things to our kids- really wanting to submerge them in our world of Michael Jackson Mania. I wanted them to feel the way I feel about him!

"See! See how he sings and dances so well and he didn't have to be taught!" I stressed.

But they weren't as excited as I was- but they didn't grow up in my time.

Then came the scene when Michael's mother, Katherine Jackson, caught his father, Joe, on the phone with another woman. She then walked up on him while he was laid back on the phone. She began yelling and wailing on him!

"Why was she doing that?" our six-year-old son asked.

I looked over at Daddy to see if he wanted to take a stab at that one.

"Well... he (pointing at the screen) was not telling the truth about something. He wasn't doing what was right," Daddy told him.

"Yes, they were husband and wife- married so he was doing something he wasn't supposed to do," I added.

There was silence for about five seconds- we'd hoped it was enough to explain.

"Oh. I thought she did it because her husband was on the phone with another woman," our son nonchalantly replied.

Kids know more than we think.

There will be innumerable opportunities for our kids to see Michael Jackson over the next few days, weeks, months. And opportunities for those of us who grew up during his reign, to Remember the Time when he was Bad. So I assume there are many, like me, in a little funk right now. So I didn't have to meet him, yet I feel like I knew him. I wish I could just "look over my shoulder and "he will be there." I will shed a few more tears, but it is okay to cry... it is just Human Nature.

Memories of MJ

On December 25th, 2006 the Godfather of Soul, James Brown passed on. Believe it or not, two other shining stars were lost on the same day but different months and years. Young star, Aaliyah died in a plane crash on August 25th, 2001- eight months later, April 25th, Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez from the all girl group, TLC died in a car wreck in Honduras. Then two days ago on June 25th the world lost one of the greatest entertainers... Michael Jackson. I was registering kids for the final night of our Vacation Bible School, when I received a text that he had a heart attack and was in "pretty bad shape."
I read it but immediately thought he would be fine- he had access to the best doctors. So I thought. Shortly after that I found out he was not coming back.
It didn't really sink in until yesterday- June 26th. Michael Jackson- who I watched growing up is really gone. So many things have run through my mind. The memories, what happened, did he know he was still loved, what about his family and close friends?
The memories: There are too many to write about. The first time I saw him. I can't remember the very first time- I just remember it was Michael Mania for many years growing up. The videos were some of the most vivid memories. Beat It, Billie Jean, Remember the Time, and the one most talked about... Thriller. Vincent Price's voice gave me chills.
I'll have to be honest, that video scared me. I could not watch it alone when it first came out. I remember being teased by older cousins about that. The Making of Thriller was just as popular as the actual video. It was a video that people never grew tired of. And that red jacket he wore in the video- everyone and their grandma had one. There was a guy at our church who had one just like it. His hair was styled like Michael's and he had the loafers and socks like him. When he came up to the balcony, where all the teens sat, on Sunday mornings- all eyes were on him. As the kids say now, "He was HOT!" And I am almost sure his name was Michael too!
Fast forward to the video Remember The Time! I think this video came out in the Spring of my sophomore year of college. It was an all-star cast! Magic Johnson, Eddie Murphy, Iman, and more. The choreography was so sweet! I could never just watch the video- I had to TRY to do the moves with them. Michael moved like no other in that video and all of his videos.
I cried when he had the accident during the Pepsi commercial. I was on the phone with friends talking about it for days. And I actually begged my mom for a Jheri Curl back then. Well after that mishap I knew, if my mom had considered it, she had changed her mind after that incident.
When MJ showed us the moonwalk during Motown 25.... the world went nuts! It was to be talked about for years. And while others have tried to do it, no one could ever do it as well as him.
Michael was different. He did reinvent the wheel! He seemed to be such a perfectionist. He mastered his craft. He entertained us so much and so well. There is no one like him. He would always say he loved us and I believe he did. That is why it was sad to see how some of the world treated him in the last decade or so. Making a mockery of his looks and behavior.
I think he was a troubled person. He never had a chance to be a child- well not for long. I believe he and his siblings did have a tough upbringing but they also had love from their parents.
I read that he had been having a lot of pain. I think most of his pain was emotional more than physical. The financial struggles I read about were sad. This man who gave myriad times- not just his time to entertain us but he gave financially and shed light on problems such as the poverty in Africa. He did all that and as he grew older and needed help himself, he didn't get it. Now that he has died he gets his flowers and messages of love. I just hope he knew he was still loved. Many close to him say he was troubled and sad. I hope he is at peace now.
I feel sorry for the generations who did not get a chance to see him. I feel blessed to have been able to see him- to have grown up during his time. I saw a message from someone go across the screen while watching some of the many tributes last night. "It was not his time to Beat It!" It read. How do we know that? I do know he will be missed... he was a Thriller!

Boobies, Bookinis and Brows!

I realize it's hot outside and I know you cannot leave your children or pets in your car, but I'd rather take Fido or Cujo in with me instead of my kids!
If you have been keeping up with my blog posts you understand what I have been through with my two- the comedy fests they have when I change with them in the fitting rooms or the random conversations they have while browsing through clothes. I'm not saying that kids should be left in the car but I understand.
I contemplated going into the fitting room this time with them- I really did. I held the outfit up in front of me. I looked at it then looked at my kids. They were being silly as usual- oblivious to what I was thinking about. I thought long and hard. Should I quickly move to the fitting room and just threaten them with their little lives if they make any comments about my body or just take a chance that it would fit and head to the register? Decisions, decisions.
I decided on the first option.
"Hey how are you? Just two please," I smiled at the fitting room attendant.
She handed me a number two and led me to an open room.
"Here you go. You can have this room!" she smiled, leading me to the first room- closest to her.
My heart began to beat faster. My paranoia quickly kicked in. Had she heard the chaos and comments from my little family before? I do come to this store quite a bit. Why did she put us in this room? Why not the one waaaaaaaay in the back- the last one? That way I could continue threatening them and perhaps even physically. I could hang the first one to make a comment, on one of those hooks.
Nevermind.
I was smart. I distracted them by talking to them about our vacation time coming up next month, while I quickly changed.
"You ready for our trip in a few weeks?" I asked them- snatching my shirt over my head.
"Oh I'm ready!" my son started dancing.
"Me too! I can't wait to get on the rides!" my daughter added.
It was working!
They continued talking about it and I allowed them to interrupt one another- just as long as the attention was taken off of me.
I was so glad because I could hear more people coming into the fitting room to try on clothes as well.
The outfit didn't work for me. I needed an extra medium. ;o)
Out of breath, I quickly took the outfit off to put my clothes back on.
"Give me my shirt right over there," I pointed for my daughter.
Their conversation now came to a frightening halt.
Instead of just giving me my shirt she put her hands over her mouth and with eyes stretching as if she had never seen me in my undergarments, she pointed to my bra and said to her brother,
"Look at her bookini!"
They both began laughing.
I rolled my eyes and snatched my shirt.
"Just be quiet!" I said with my teeth clenched together tightly. "And it is not a bIkini- it's a bra!" I added.
They couldn't hear me over their laughter.
My son stopped laughing and had the 'mama you may want to put your hand over my mouth right now' look.
"Ewww! She used to feed us milk from her brows," he said and it was not with his inside voice.
I just closed my eyes and thought of the show I Dream of Jeannie. Wishing I could fold my arms- blink and be in my car.
I stood there with my finger over my lips and listened to see if anyone heard it. I was not ready to leave. The comment was too fresh.
When I finally turned to look out of the fitting room, they continued to talk about it.
"Have you seen mama's boobies?" my daughter asked, then put her hands over her mouth.
"I have! They gots brown cir-" he started before I put my hands over his mouth.
After a minute or so of me hiding out in the fitting room, I finally stepped out, playing with my cell phone so I would not have to look up at the attendant.
"Did that work for you ma'am?"she asked.
Without looking up at her I told her, "No. Not this time, but thanks." I continued to be engaged with my cell phone.
As we headed for the door, someone looked at my daughter and said, "She's so pretty and her hair is beautiful!"
I'd just roller set it and styled it the day before.
"Thank you!" I replied.
"Mama. She wasn't talking about you- she was talking about me!" my daughter smiled.
The lady giggled and winked her eye.
"They are so cute," she added.
"You want 'em?" I thought.

Finding Teachable Moments

We try to take advantage of "teachable moments" when they arise. Sometimes we hit and sometimes... I just get frustrated with all the questions, from our two little ones that I just throw my hands up and say, "Just forget it! Maybe I will go back to that one later!"
I'm now cognizant that I really have to be patient and stick to those lessons surrounding biblical issues. We are definitely raising them up in the way they should go but sometimes they get things a little twisted. Now our daughter is sharp enough to use what she learns in church at an appropriate time to bail her out of trouble.
The Genesis of these stories began with our daughter's kindergarten year.
Her teacher began reprimanding her for playing in the mulch after warning the class not to.
"That darn serpent!" she told her teacher.
She was serious! She folded her arms and stomped her feet. She wouldn't make eye contact with her teacher initially. She began talking to herself- shaking her head so much that her two, long ponytails were moving side-to-side.
"What are you talking about?" her teacher asked.
Slapping her forehead with the palm of her hand she responded, "The serpent made me play in that mulch!"
"What serpent?" her teacher asked.
She now made eye contact- she now had her teacher roped.
"You know that serpent who made Eve eat that apple!"
Well her brother, God bless his little soul, either gets things all confused or he may get it but does not want to apply what he learns. He wants to pick and choose what he wants to live by.
He and his sister have racked up with money from their birthdays here recently. He wants to spend it as soon as he gets his but I have made him save it. I mean he can't spend it if we don't take him anywhere to spend it.
So he has been saving it but Lord knows he has been asking for someone to take him to a store to spend it.
I have explained myriad times about tithing. Well it is usually a huge question and answer period with him. Yesterday as we prepared for church I told him that he needed to put some money in church. As we pulled out of the parking lot after church, I asked him if he put any money in offering in his class.
He didn't say anything.
I turned to look at him and his lips were pressed together as if he were keeping a secret- which he is not good at.
This begins our conversation. Which we have had before.
"Now I have told you that when you give it comes back to you."
"But I need my money to get that ATM machine from TJ Maxx," he whined.
"But God blessed you with that money so you can give some of it back in church," I told him.
"Huh? (Looking at his money) Grandma, Papa gave me this money and I got one of these dollars from her (pointing at his sister) room," he replied.
"WHAT? You give it back!" his sister shouted.
I further explained the process of giving and he listened, then looking back at his face I realized he would need more work to be a "cheerful" giver.
We went on to eat. When we left our tip for the server I saw him eyeing the money. Another "teachable" moment.
"Now see Mommy and Daddy are giving and it comes back to us," I told him.
"Daddy gone give her all that money?" he asked.
"Yes! And don't even think about getting any of it!"
On the way out of the restaurant we bumped into our pastor and his family. He always asks our two for hugs. Our son just recently starting complying and the pastor eats this up. He (pastor) gave them both a dollar bill.
When we got in the car our daughter, the appreciative little Saint she is, said, "Look! Pastor Bill gave us some money. I'm gonna save it with my other money!"
Then her brother with dread on his face said, "He probably gave it to us to put in offering."

God Moving Furniture

If you listen to kids you can always learn something new! Last night we were pulling out of the driveway when we saw this beautiful display of lightning, flashing through the sky. It wasn't accompanied by any thunder or rain- just light, back-to-back. It looked like someone in heaven was snapping pictures.
The kids loved it of course! They had to give us their take on what lightning means.
Our daughter said it was King Neptune, making light from his fingers.
"Mama there really is a King Neptune- we learned about it in class," she persisted.
Now when our kids say their teacher said something, we usually leave it alone. Don't want one of them going back saying we said something. That has happened before. Wasn't good. Our son told his daycare teacher that I was going to "Jack her up!" I did say that I was going to "Jack somebody up" if they messed with my baby at school but I was being funny and talking to Daddy.
Now it was our son's turn. I knew it would be interesting. Daddy and I were talking about something else when our son chimed in. But his comment got our attention.
"No it's not King Neptoom. It's just God moving his couch up there," he said.
We smiled.
"Who told you that?" I asked.
"My teacher- Mrs. Thompson," he said confidently.
The van was quiet.